Pages

Friday, September 20, 2013

How Did I Get in Your Tummy?

The kid: After you and dad were married how did you get me?
Me: What do you mean?
The kid: After you and dad got married. How did you get me?
Me: You grew in my tummy.
The kid: How did I get in your tummy?
Me: Hmm...that's a good question.
The kid: Probably I grew from your skin in there?
Me: Um. I don't know.
The kid: What's in there right now?
Me: My uterus.
The kid: What's a ute-re-us?
Me: Look! That squirrel is flicking it's tail at us.
The kid: Where!?
Me (silently): Phew.

Although I am 100% on board with giving her a true and age appropriate answer, just what the hell would that be? I'm pretty sure she's not looking for a biology lesson here. We've had lots of conversations lately regarding who is older than her, who she's older than, why is she older and why is she younger.

She's trying to figure out her timeline in relation to everyone else. That is pretty cool for a 3-3/4 year old.

But, honestly, I still don't know what to tell her about conception. We could lie to her or scare the crap out of her. But I'm guessing there's probably something in between that would allow her to just think quietly about it.

Maybe this:

The kid: How did I get in your tummy?
Me: Well, Mama had too much wine and Daddy thought it would be fun if we...look! That squirrel is flicking it's tail at us.

That would be a lie, because that's not even remotely close to her story. How about this:

The kid: How did I get in your tummy?
Me: Do remember the movie Dumbo? Remember all the birds with big long beaks and big long necks who flew and flew and then dropped all the babies off to their mamas? That's how we got you!
The kid: But I thought I grew in your tummy?
Me: Look! That squirrel is flicking it's tail at us.

Lies! All the options are some sort of lie. Last one:

The kid: How did I get in your tummy?
Me: I ate a Jane grape. It grew and grew and grew inside my tummy until I felt like I had to take a giant poop. I went to the hospital and pushed and pushed, but it wouldn't come out. So the doctor cut me in half and removed you.

Yup. I think that would cause some quiet reflection. And possibly some minor trauma.



10 comments:

  1. Oh...good luck with all of the above. I handled "that talk" the old-fashioned way: I let the neighborhood kids tell her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a great idea! They can all be confused together.

      Delete
  2. I vote for continuing the bushy tailed squirrel diversion tactic till she either ages to your comfort level or starts asking how baby squirrel's are made.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! I bet she asks me that before too long. And there really was a squirrel, luckily for me.

      Delete
  3. Silly girl....just find a good TV show and let her watch the moaning, rolling and flipping around, slurpy kissing and hair pulling. When she gets upset and says "Mommy WHAT are they doing?" you need to get serious and say....they're trying to make a baby....she'll say "Ewwwww! I'm never doing that" .......which is what you want for at least 15 years....job done. Of course the next thing she'll say is "did Daddy do that to you?" You're on your own with that one. I've helped all I can.
    You are funny. That's a fact. New follower.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe I should let her watch a soap opera. In Spanish! That way neither one of us will know what's going on.

      Delete
  4. "What's in there right now?" This question kills me. You must have made her with some of your smartest skin.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I laughed SO hard reading this! Ah the age-old "where do babies come from" question always a good time. I let my son watch Milo&Otis when he was about 4 and had started asking—the whole puppies being born scene grossed him out a tad but it answered most of his questions.

    I've been recommended the books Amazing You and Not The Stork for these types of questions and they do a pretty good job on being informative without being explicit. Check your local library or you can find them on amazon maybe they'll be helpful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the book suggestions! We go to the library all the time, so I'll just put 'em on hold. We actually have Milo&Otis, but I don't think we've watched the whole thing yet. I'll get that out this weekend!

      Delete